🎙️Beyond the Noise: Episode 7

BEYOND THE NOISE FROM ARROWHEALTH
Podcast Transcript: The Weight I Carry Gladly: A Nurse’s Truth About Duty, Compassion, & Redemption
Featuring: Bec (Host) and Josh (Co-host)
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TOBY VO: [00:02]
This is Beyond the Noise from Arrow Health. Real voices, raw stories, and the truth about addiction, recovery, and life.
BEC: [00:25]
Thanks for having me, Josh.
JOSH: [00:27]
I’m glad you’re here.
BEC: [00:28]
I’m glad I’m here too.
JOSH: [00:30]
So just to get some background, you’ve been working at Arrow for the last, what, four or five years?
BEC: [00:36]
No, it’s three and a half.
JOSH: [00:37]
Three and a half years. What did you do before Arrow?
BEC: [00:40]
So before Arrow, I worked at YSAS with young people in the residential units. I managed those. And I worked at Parkville Youth Justice Centre as the health services manager. And then before that I worked in various public and private hospitals. I worked in ED, short stay units, hospital in the home. Anywhere and everywhere except ICU.
JOSH: [01:12]
Wow. So have you always done nursing?
BEC: [01:15]
Yep. I started nursing when I was 17 and I’ve never looked back, except for a few times where I’ve thought, I’m not doing this anymore. And then I try and be like a nail tech or something, and it doesn’t work.
JOSH: [01:29]
How long did the nail tech phase last?
BEC: [01:31]
Well, I wanted to stay at home on maternity leave for longer.
JOSH: [01:35]
Okay.
BEC: [01:35]
I did it for that. But even then I think it lasted maybe a year. I was like, yeah, no.
JOSH: [01:41]
Okay, so this is straight after high school you’re getting into nursing?
BEC: [01:44]
Yeah, straight. Did my enrolled nursing and then started working a year later when I finished that, and then did my bachelor degree while I was working. And then I was able to work because I already had my enrolled nursing.
JOSH: [01:56]
Okay, so what was the desire to get into nursing like? Where did that come from?
BEC: [02:01]
There wasn’t one. I always say that I was just meant to do this, right. It’s like a calling. Because I spent most of high school doing drugs and I did my VCE and I don’t even remember what my score was. My ENTER score. I think it’s still the same. That’s how much I remember.
JOSH: [02:27]
ENTER score, I think. Yeah.
BEC: [02:29]
So I actually got this guaranteed entry. So obviously I did shit enough that I needed this guaranteed entry. And so that’s how I got into the diploma straight out of school. And before that I’d wanted to be a criminologist. Oh, I was going to be a journalist. When I was really little, I’d wanted to be a nurse or a teacher. But then, like I said, throughout high school, I was not schooling, I wasn’t doing any school. And so I just ended up in nursing. And now where I am, for a long time I was just meant to do that. I was just good at it. I don’t say I’m good at many things.
BEC: [03:13]
I don’t say I’m the greatest mum or the greatest wife or the greatest at anything. But I feel like I’ve always been pretty good at my job. Like, I just get it. I understand it. Not necessarily the ins and outs of a cell or things like that, but when it comes to people, I just seem to get it.
JOSH: [03:31]
So where do you think that comes from? Why do you think you get it?
BEC: [03:37]
I think I’ve got a pretty good ability to connect and to read people. And I go with my instinct. I suppose I go with the energy someone’s putting off, and it doesn’t matter who that is. So I’m sitting there and there’s just been a knowing. I just know. So I can be sitting there and someone can be talking about something, whether it’s a psychological thing or a physical thing, and then all the pieces just start to fall together. And it just makes sense to me that you’re saying and doing this because this is most likely what’s going on. And I’ve always just been able to do that. I’m certainly not a genius, but I seem to be able to tap into people, connect to them and understand what it is that they need in that moment.
BEC: [04:22]
Whether that’s emotional support, physical, there’s a physical problem with them, or whatever. There’s no reason for it. It’s just been something that I have been good at. I don’t know whether it’s something I needed to do. I’ve always been a bit of a mood monitor from things that have gone on in my past, but the ability to sort of read people comes with that, and then to have a knowing about what they need physically and psychologically. I don’t know, it’s just this bizarre thing.
JOSH: [04:50]
It’s just been there.
BEC: [04:51]
Yeah. Just there. And this nature just to care.
JOSH: [04:54]
Yeah. So do you think this is something that’s just been given to you, like a gift from birth?
BEC: [05:00]
Yeah, I would probably say so. I know when I was little, all I ever wanted was a baby. I just wanted a baby. And I remember I got this newborn baby doll. And back then they were like proper babies, they were all mapped out like a real baby. And I got a boy, and I was so happy. I called him Andrew. And I would make my mum take me to, it might have been Big W, something like that, and I would buy real baby clothes. And this was so significant to me that I can still smell the smell of the powder and all that sort of stuff.
BEC: [05:41]
And I’d get nappies and bottles and all this stuff. And I would take care of my dolls, like really take care of them. And I would also do things like play schools, and I would always take care of the kids. I was always doing something that involved some kind of caring, which is bizarre because most of the time people don’t perceive me as this caring individual. But yeah, it’s almost like a gift that was given to me, that I was meant to do that, and I was meant to end up here. I was meant to end up looking after people that are vulnerable and people that can be taken advantage of.
JOSH: [06:19]
Yeah. Do you think this has kind of contributed to how good you are at your job? Because I know, having worked with you, just the impact that you have on the people around you and your ability to nurture. You kind of have this ability to nurture everyone at one given time, like a whole group of people. Do you think that’s just carried on into your work life, that sort of drive?
BEC: [06:46]
Yeah. Well, I suppose so. I don’t think of it like that, but yeah. And I suppose I do it more in my work life. My husband will tell you, why don’t you nurture me? And I’m like, why would I do that?
JOSH: [07:00]
Nurtured out.
BEC: [07:01]
Yeah. And in saying that, though, if the need arises in my personal life, I can. So if my husband’s sick, and really sick, like he has to be proper sick, not man flu sick. If he’s sick, I can take care of him and I’m really good at it. And I suppose that’s like at work as well. If you guys need me, I can take care of you guys, I can take care of the residents. But if you don’t, then I’m not. So when it’s called for, when it’s called upon. I went and did this thing in Bali.
BEC: [07:36]
I went to this healing guy and I know you’re funny about all these sorts of things, but he talked a lot about my ability to lead and nurture, and that’s just part of my nature, that’s just what I’m meant to be here to do. And whether that’s true or not, I mean, I’m never gonna know. But that’s what I’m doing.
JOSH: [07:55]
Yeah, it’s amazing. So going back, you’ve just finished your enrolled nursing. What happened after that? What was your first job?
BEC: [08:04]
So when you do nursing, you have to do a placement. And I still remember, we’re going back now, what, over 25 years. My first placement was at a nursing home and I went in. And everybody hates working in aged care, especially when they start out nursing. I don’t know what they think it’s going to be, but I loved it. And there was this woman and she had what’s called contractures, so her whole body was stiff like this. So you can imagine, legs and everything. So here I am, this 17-year-old girl going in, having to clean someone up, change someone’s nappy. This older woman that I haven’t seen anything like this before.
BEC: [08:46]
I loved it. Loved every minute of it. The fact that I could make her comfortable, clean her up. I just felt so much satisfaction from it. And I never hated my aged care placement. Just didn’t bother me at all. So I went and did that. And then I worked in a nursing home when I’d finished my enrolled nursing and went into my bachelor’s. I worked in a nursing home for quite a while. And then I got a job at a private hospital that’s no longer there now, and it was my introduction to mental health. They had a mental health ward and a rehabilitation ward, and I worked on the rehabilitation ward. But sometimes they’d just put me, the enrolled nurse, not the registered nurse, the baby nurse, in charge of the mental health ward.
BEC: [09:40]
And one day, one of the residents ran around the ward and filled up all the toilets with toilet paper. I didn’t know what to do. Okay, that’s what we’re doing. I was 17, almost 18, and I remember loving that. I remember really loving that. But at that same place, they had five regular residents who lived there, and they’d all been in car accidents and they were TAC. Each of them took a good couple of hours to get up out of bed. None of them could walk. One of them was a quadriplegic. They had big dressings and wounds. This was heavy work. I don’t know what nursing new grads do now, but this was a lot.
BEC: [10:31]
And so you can imagine if you’ve got five or six people that take two hours to get out of bed, that’s your whole day. And again, it was really hard work, but I loved it. Yes, it would get tiring, but I loved it. You’d have to get machines out to get them out of bed and all that sort of stuff. Loved every minute of it.
BEC: [10:52]
So I worked there for a while. Because my bachelor’s degree was three years, and then I got a job at the Northern and I started as an enrolled nurse there, just working casually on all the wards. Yeah, that’s how it all sort of started.
JOSH: [11:09]
So it’s kind of like a baptism by fire, hey? Going straight into aged care, then into mental health.
BEC: [11:15]
Yeah, yeah. And that’s how my career has gone, I think. Always is. So when I finished, you do a grad year after you do your nursing, so in that year you’re supported and you have a, I don’t know what it’s called now, but you have a mentor. And so when you go on to the wards you’re supported to do your med rounds and all this sort of stuff. But in the beginning, because I’d worked there as a Div 2, they just said, oh yeah, you’ll be fine, off you go. So off I go, med rounds, okay, we’re doing them. And everything I did, it was just, yeah, she’ll be right, you’ll be right. And I just did it and I loved it.
BEC: [11:52]
And so then what happened is, it was like, if you tried to put me back in the box and make me sort of conform to what you want, it was hard. Because everyone had just said, go, yeah, she can do it, go. And it became a real struggle for me in those early years when people would try and hold me back from things that I wanted to do, that I was confident I could do, because they’d let me go because it was beneficial. And then all of a sudden, oh no, you’ve got to follow this rule, and you can’t do that. And I’m like, what are you talking about?
JOSH: [12:21]
When was your first experience with that feeling like you’re being held back?
BEC: [12:26]
I suppose it was also one of the best experiences of my life. So after my grad year, I got a job on a new unit at the Northern. And our boss was very, very regimented. It was a surgical ward. And I had to learn, because I’d had this very free spirit and I’d been doing what I wanted. Whether it was life or work or whatever, everyone let me do what I wanted. And all of a sudden I had to bring it in. And I really struggled with that. I’d get in trouble, I’d be walked into the office, I can’t even remember for what, but I’d be really passionate about things, so I’d crack the shits.
BEC: [13:13]
And I recall these emotional outbursts I’d have. Because I had to conform. It was about conforming. And because they did, more so than on any other ward, everyone behaved in a certain way. It set me up for the rest of my career, though. It really gave me some guidelines to operate out of, moving forward. But it was really hard for me in those times. They must look back and just go, she was messy, she was crazy. I don’t know what they would have thought, to be honest. I always worked really hard and I always had a laugh. But yeah, I struggled, I wanted to do what I wanted to do.
BEC: [13:57]
I’m not going to be unsafe, so what are you talking about? I never understood that. And I still struggle with it sometimes.
JOSH: [14:03]
Yeah. So there was actually a growing moment in that.
BEC: [14:07]
Absolutely. I really grew from that and it put me, I guess, from a worker into a professional. I still had more growing to go, but yeah, it really did that.
JOSH: [14:20]
Is that something you still wrestle with now, like rules? Not just rules, I guess, but balancing when to step out of the box versus when to stay within the guidelines?
BEC: [14:35]
Yeah. I’m really good at staying within my scope of practice, what I’m allowed to do in terms of my actual role and my registration. There are things I can and can’t do. Like, now that I’m a nurse practitioner, I can prescribe; before I couldn’t. Clear line, don’t cross it. But say if there’s a type of person that, you know, isn’t permitted to be admitted, and there’s someone who doesn’t fit that, but I can see that person deserves an opportunity and I know I can make it happen safely, why are you telling me I can’t when I can help them?
JOSH: [15:20]
Yeah.
BEC: [15:21]
And so it’s never, ever coming from a place of me just wanting to do what I want. It’s me wanting to help someone and you’re in my way, or me wanting to make something better and you’re in my way and you’re stopping me. And that really frustrates me. So yeah, I still have those moments. But I’ve also learned along the way that it’s about how you present that information, who you’re presenting it to and what you’re presenting. And I’ve been blessed at Arrow to have a lot of trust placed in me, which I feel I’ve earned, to be able to make those decisions and make those changes.
BEC: [15:51]
So it isn’t as much of a struggle now, but there are definitely still times where I’m just like, but why? It’s not good, it’s not fair.
JOSH: [16:13]
Yeah.
BEC: [16:13]
Why do they miss out? You know?
JOSH: [16:18]
Yeah. So you’ve moved into this new ward at the Northern. Okay, so what happens after this?
BEC: [16:24]
So I’m there for a little while and then I go off and have my first baby. I’m only 22. I go off and have my first baby and I think I only have six months off with her. So I come back to work.
JOSH: [16:40]
Right, right. Okay. Wow.
BEC: [16:42]
I go back to work and I’m working night duty at this stage, only working two days a week. I went to work down in short stay in an emergency short stay. Loved that. Very busy. Five dedicated mental health beds. Getting a lot of patients coming in with alcohol and all that. So this is where I start picking up on what I really love to do. Really enjoyed that. And then the manager there went on maternity leave. So I acted up in that position. So it was my first management position. And again, I really loved it.
BEC: [17:29]
Loved stepping up into that space and being able to be a leader. Obviously finding your feet, it’s all very new. And when you step up when you’re young, everyone’s got something to say about it, you know. So I did that. And then when that position finished, my manager moved me into hospital in the home. And this was supposed to just be a relieving position that I didn’t really want anyway. And unfortunately the person who’d been in that role, I don’t really know what had happened, but all the staff were all very close and thought I’d come in to take the position. I hadn’t at all, I was put there. So I’m going to make the most of it.
BEC: [18:10]
So it was a bit challenging with the staff, but I made a lot of changes and did a lot of different things. And again, the issue came up about people using drugs and not being able to go into their home. So we created this clinic where they could come in and have their treatment rather than us going out to their homes. And it was this little niggling thing again, you know, why are these people’s situations so difficult? I wasn’t scared to go out to their home if that had to happen.
JOSH: [18:40]
So did you implement that into the program? Was that something you instigated?
BEC: [18:44]
Yeah, yeah. So we started this.
JOSH: [18:45]
Saw a gap.
BEC: [18:46]
There was a gap. So we put in this day cubicle that we would use so that people who were considered a risk to visit at home could come in and have their treatment there. That was really good as well. And there was another one. There was a guy, he was a cannabis user, which is really funny now when I think about it, I think why would we even worry? But anyway, we had to come to an agreement with him that he wouldn’t smoke any cones before we got there.
JOSH: [19:19]
How did that go down?
BEC: [19:20]
Yeah, he said yes, okay. But I just laughed because people were worried about that and I was not worried. They never bothered me. And that was the thing as well. People who were aggressive, people who were in those situations, it never bothered me. It just didn’t phase me. If anything, if I saw it, I was running to it.
JOSH: [19:40]
Where do you think that comes from?
BEC: [19:43]
I have no idea. Because my mum is a very placid, quiet, sensitive type of person. Obviously I was raised mostly by my mum and her partner Chess, who is a bit more full on. But yeah, I don’t know where it comes from. I look at the rest of the people in my family, there’s no one that does that. I suppose especially as a leader, I feel like I’ve got to be able to go in and face the fire, because that’s how you take care of everyone else. I can’t throw anyone else in there and I can’t stand by and go, oh, I’m frightened.
BEC: [20:25]
So I did that. Then my marriage broke down after about 16, 17 years. And as a result of that I ended up leaving the Northern. I needed to leave. So I left and I went on this bit of a work bender. I kept getting jobs. I wasn’t well, my mental health was not okay. So I’d go, get a job, do well at it, but then something would happen, some slight thing, and I would explode. I remember one day being out on Bridge Road near the Epworth, in hysterics, because I’d just quit my job.
BEC: [21:24]
Something was said to me and I just quit my job. Totally unhinged.
JOSH: [21:30]
Yeah.
BEC: [21:31]
So this went on for a little while. And then I had a friend who gave me a job at the Royal Melbourne and I worked in radiology there for a while. Just as a floor nurse. Then I moved into short stay at the Royal Melbourne. And again, I was back in my element because they opened up behavioural assessment units. Drug and alcohol in the BAU. Patients would come in, might need to be sedated, all that sort of stuff. It was a quick turnaround. Very busy, near ED. Drug and alcohol, forensic clients, people just getting out of custody.
BEC: [22:22]
I’m loving it at this stage. And I still haven’t picked up on the fact that I have this ability with certain types of people and that I really enjoy that. I haven’t even twigged.
BEC: [22:34]
Because I don’t divide people up into categories. I’m just taking care of anyone.
JOSH: [22:39]
Yeah.
BEC: [22:39]
But now I look back and I’m like, yep, definitely. So then after about 12 months I got a secondment to the Department of Health. Now, this is something I’d always wanted. One of my mentors had once said to me, you know, you want to get a secondment to the Department of Health. But it turns out, no, it is not at all what I thought.
JOSH: [22:59]
Okay. So you tick the box. But it’s not what you thought it was.
BEC: [23:03]
No criticism of the Department of Health. It’s just not me. I like to be in it. In the thick of it.
JOSH: [23:13]
Was there a lot of red tape?
BEC: [23:15]
It was a lot of people in certain roles making rules and giving accreditations for things where I thought, how do they know? They’re not in it.
JOSH: [23:24]
Okay.
BEC: [23:24]
A lot of letter writing. And I was just like, no. It’s a needed thing, but not for me. And then something happened during this time. Funny how the world works. So we’ve moved on quite a few years by now. I had my current husband, we’d met and were living together and I was pregnant. And this one day I was 16 weeks pregnant and I had a complete meltdown. I was so anxious I couldn’t leave my house. And it was probably a culmination of a lot of things that had happened over the years that I hadn’t dealt with. So I left the secondment. I couldn’t even make it through.
BEC: [24:21]
Complete and utter meltdown. Couldn’t leave the house, 16 weeks pregnant, on my own. So, this is where the nail tech phase happens. I have my son.
JOSH: [24:33]
Yeah.
BEC: [24:33]
And for the first time ever I’ve got, I can stay home for more than a year. So I’m staying home and I decide I get a bit bored because that’s what I do. I like to use my brain. So I’m like, I’ll become a nail tech, then I can stay home with my kids and be a stay at home mum. As much as I love my children, it just wasn’t giving me what I needed.
JOSH: [24:59]
Yeah, I can see that.
BEC: [25:04]
So I decided I’m going to go back to work but I’m not sure what I’m going to do, so why not go and work in a youth justice centre? That made sense to me. Because I’d been working with people in addiction with criminal histories and being good at it and enjoying it. I could just see them. So I went to Parkville and I wasn’t frightened. They moved the health service inside the centre.
BEC: [25:44]
We were right inside and had this great team. I had to learn the whole prison system and then learn how to set up the health service in there in this new environment. I did that and I really loved it. But again, for me I was always looking for something more. If I wasn’t going to be able to go anywhere, then I was going to go. My management had already started back at the Northern and I wanted to keep that up. I was a manager there, but it was capped.
JOSH: [26:22]
You couldn’t go any higher than what you were.
BEC: [26:24]
Yeah. And the difference between me and, I guess, managers I’ve had is that I always want people to move up and have opportunities and progress. And I’ve found that in that situation, where you’re not going further and they’re not going to help you go further, that’s it. That’s your job. Either that or nothing.
BEC: [26:51]
So okay, what am I going to do? And that’s where I went and worked for YSAS again. Really beautiful. Working with the kids and managing the residential units. So much different from what we do now, harm reduction versus abstinence, but they were beautiful, they were just great. And again, back into doing diversions for court and different things like that. It was really good.
JOSH: [27:19]
So you’re essentially going from the other side of it, like being at Parkville, which is youth justice centre.
BEC: [27:26]
Yeah.
JOSH: [27:26]
To doing like the residential care sort of stuff outside.
BEC: [27:30]
Yeah, yeah. So that’s what I’m doing. They’ve got three units and it’s drug and alcohol detox and all that sort of stuff. And then I obviously got the opportunity to come to Arrow. I still remember the day I met with Toby and Maya for the interview. And it sounds terrible, but I was like, of course I can do this. I did not. I was just like, yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be able to do this? I didn’t know what I was going to walk into. But yeah, it was just, yeah, of course. And I walked in and I loved it. So that’s the career journey.
JOSH: [28:10]
It’s so interesting because knowing you, you’ve got this unique ability to find gaps in anything and just not even pause and be like, okay, that’s what we need to do here. So hearing you tell your story makes so much sense. All this stuff that you’ve learned over time to be able to bring that into the program. But now, we’re at Arrow.
BEC: [28:36]
Yeah.
JOSH: [28:36]
So what was your first thought? Like, what did you think when you first came in?
BEC: [28:40]
So when I was at Parkville, I’d been implementing a new service. When I was at hospital in the home, I was fixing a service. When I went to YSAS, I was fixing a service. And I remember being told, oh, I don’t think you’ll have that much to worry about, when I talked about all the improvements that might be required.
JOSH: [29:05]
Yeah.
BEC: [29:06]
And Toby said to me, oh, no, I think, you know, I don’t think there’ll be that much to worry about. And I thought, great. And I remember walking in, and because most of the settings I’d been in were more clinical, and YSAS was a bit different, but I was like, oh my God, what is this?
JOSH: [29:25]
Like, what.
BEC: [29:26]
What am I doing here? And everyone was so guarded. I’d never walked into a place where people were so guarded.
JOSH: [29:39]
Yeah.
BEC: [29:39]
And I know now that it was, well, how long was this one going to last? You know, I understand that. But I remember walking in and thinking, oh my God, what have I done?
JOSH: [29:53]
Yeah.
BEC: [29:53]
But then I just got to it. And what happened is exactly what you said, that brain that finds gaps. It was like a scan and you see all the lights. That’s what I was doing. Because I knew that things had been done to really work hard and get it to where it was. But from my experience and where it should be, I was like, bang, bang, bang. It was all just coming at me. And I wanted to come in at a more gentle approach, but I didn’t really have that opportunity because there were just so many things. We needed to get to work.
JOSH: [30:36]
Yeah.
BEC: [30:37]
And I think that’s what I did. We just got to work. All the while, I wanted to make sure that whatever I did, the staff were okay. Because I felt that feeling when I walked in and I didn’t want them to feel that. I wanted them to feel supported and to know that I genuinely care. What you see is what you get with me. I wanted everyone to embrace whatever we were doing and not have to be fearful, not think that I was going to be punitive. I wanted them to know I got it, I understood. Even though I’d never met anyone, I understood where everyone was at.
BEC: [31:24]
And again, how did I understand that? I don’t know.
JOSH: [31:26]
You do have these amazing gifts of not just being able to spot gaps, but also seeing the potential in other people. And that’s been a real blessing for my life because the things that you’ve seen in me have pushed me. Because I trust you so much, it’s pushed me to a place where I’ve been able to grow personally and gain confidence through that. So I just thought I’d share that with you quickly.
BEC: [31:50]
Yeah, but that’s what it’s about. Because if you don’t give your team opportunities, it’d be easy for me to just keep everyone mid level and reign supreme, right. But my idea is that you’re all better than me. Be better than me. I want to be able to come to you and say, hey, what are we doing here? Be an expert at what you’re doing. I’ve had my time in those roles and I think it’s so important that you guys have an opportunity to grow and go further than me. I think it’s so important.
JOSH: [32:25]
Yeah it is. And I think that’s kind of why all the staff have kind of lifted as well. Having the autonomy to go do it and make mistakes, but feel supported in the process.
BEC: [32:38]
It’s so important. Because that’s what we expect the residents to do. If we’re not all behaving in the positive ways we expect our clients to behave.
JOSH: [32:51]
Yeah, yeah.
BEC: [32:52]
Do you know what I mean? So we say, give it a go, do it on your own, make a mistake, and how do you grow from that? There are plenty of different leaders out there where it’s all ego and that sort of thing. That doesn’t come into it for me. We’re all there to do a job and if anything, I’d be happy to see you flying high. That gives me fulfilment. Not you sitting beneath me.
JOSH: [33:26]
All right, so you’ve come into this new space, you’ve had to make a lot of changes. What have been the biggest changes that you’ve seen over the last three and a half, four years?
BEC: [33:40]
I’d say one of them is the staff group as a whole. We don’t have this, half the time I forget, but we don’t have therapeutic nursing in one lane and support workers in another. We have a whole team. Everyone has different roles and we all have to do those roles, but if called upon, we could probably do each other’s roles. That cross-collaboration wasn’t there. There was no trust. So to see everyone become a functioning team where everyone knows their role but does it together and values one another, I think that’s probably one of the biggest changes. And I think our ability to take people, admit people into Arrow, without this really finite criteria, you know what I mean. We’ve broadened our admissions to give more people a go. So when, it’s like they say, if Arrow won’t give you a go, no one will. And I’m aware that that doesn’t always work out, it’s hard work, and there’s way more that goes into it. But I feel like every one of those people that’s come in, even if it hasn’t worked out, was given an opportunity. So we got to spend time with them and we got to give them that bit of dignity, that bit of love, that bit of connection that they wouldn’t have had.
JOSH: [34:49]
Yeah.
BEC: [34:54]
Because they were on Vivanse, they were schizophrenic and not taking their medication.
JOSH: [35:23]
Yeah.
BEC: [35:24]
You know what I mean? Yes, and I know there’s time and time again where we shake our head and go, that didn’t work out, or that went wrong. But nothing’s ever gone that wrong, do you know what I mean? We’re talking about people leaving early or not being able to participate in the program. I’d say that’s a really big one because no one gets left behind, which is obviously something that I value.
JOSH: [35:47]
Yeah, yeah. Giving everybody the opportunity and the chance to get there.
BEC: [35:51]
Yeah.
JOSH: [35:51]
And this is the thing. It’s like, when it comes to mental health and addiction, they go hand in hand. So if someone’s not taking their medication, we need to be able to work with that. We need to take this holistic.
BEC: [36:06]
Approach. And I guess that’s obviously why we did the regulation stations. And that’s what I love doing. I love being able to, and that’s something Arrow gives me the freedom to do. There’s a problem, we come up with a solution and we put it together. Rather than going, there’s a problem, oh no, we can’t do that. And because we come up with things that don’t cost money and we get creative and the team is working together, we can do them. Whereas elsewhere, people wouldn’t come together like they do, so it would cost money to do and we wouldn’t be able to do it. We’re really blessed to have a team that is willing to jump in and do the things that they do.
BEC: [36:45]
The regulation stations, making that happen for that group of people. I think it’s beautiful.
JOSH: [36:51]
Yeah. Your passion for other people and for trying to help all people is infectious, and it rubs off on us too. I think outside the box now, where maybe before I was a little bit limited. And it’s like, even though I don’t like to admit that, there were particular clients where I thought, they’re too far gone.
BEC: [37:14]
Yeah. I remember you used to say, your default was, we’re not right for them or something. And I’d say, yeah, then? Where should they be then? And I said, do you remember that day I said to you, well, unless you can tell me where they should be, you’re wrong.
JOSH: [37:34]
And I had no ideas. I was like, all right, cool. But that challenged me, to be able to think outside, well, you’re right, we’ve got to have the ability to work with them and give them a shot. I felt a lot better about myself for doing that as well.
BEC: [37:52]
And then we know as a team, we come together and go, all right, we’ve tried everything. Can we do anything else or do we need to refer them on or find another option for them? And I think that makes us all go home feeling okay. And I never sort of go, damn, I wish I had. I don’t ever really do that because I feel like we do every single thing we can.
JOSH: [38:15]
Yeah, we definitely do, that’s for sure. All right, so you’re in this high pressure role, right, you’ve worked your way up, you’re now managing Arrow, but in the meantime you’ve been able to get your nurse practitioner licence and navigate raising a family. All these things that you do on a daily basis. How do you separate yourself from your work and your personal life? How does that go?
BEC: [38:48]
Yeah, I don’t.
JOSH: [38:49]
You don’t?
BEC: [38:50]
I don’t know. Yeah. And you know, that was a leading question. No, I don’t. And doing my master’s was really challenging for me because I still don’t like that kind of studying. So yeah, achieving that was massive. But I find myself in roles where it is just at home with me because I’m on call 24/7, I can’t let it go. And I know it does get frustrating. But as time’s gone on, what’s really good is the team, especially the leadership team, have allowed me to get a break and switch off more now than I could even six months ago. But it’s always there.
BEC: [39:44]
I’m always working. And I suppose, and you would understand this, you’re better at boundaries than me with work. But you know, we’re so into it, we’re so close that you do it sort of in your mind. You sort of worry about, oh, how’s that going? Or what happened on the weekend.
JOSH: [40:08]
Hard to separate yourself.
BEC: [40:09]
Yeah, completely. And I also think that my family understand that that is how I am. I’m never not being with them because I don’t want to be, not because I’m working.
JOSH: [40:30]
Yeah.
BEC: [40:31]
In the beginning, in those early days, it really did take me away from my family a lot. Arrow, there was a lot to do. But now it’s more, Arrow and my family just coexist together. And it works.
JOSH: [40:48]
Because I’m interested. I obviously know your family. I know how amazing your children are, they’re just awesome. And I think children are a reflection of their parents. I know how much you commit yourself to your work, but I also see how much your kids have this great relationship with you and your husband. And that’s why I asked the question, because I know you take both things together, but you still have this amazing engagement and nurture for your family as well. So what’s the balance there? What do you do to kind of let that happen?
BEC: [41:25]
I am so open and honest with my kids. I’m there and I’m not. I’m not even going to say I’m really present. I’m not going to lie about that. And I’m not even going to lie that I want to be. My brain is going 100 miles an hour most of the time. But I love them fiercely. And if they need me, I’m there. But I’m so open and transparent with them. So if they want to talk about something, we’re talking about it. If they want to do something, they’re telling me about it. And again, we’re in this rhythm of what we do.
BEC: [42:09]
The girls are older now, but there’s just this naturalness to it. One of the things I love to do after work is doom-scroll, so that I can just turn my brain off. I look for funny things, I’m looking for a laugh. Like a laugh junkie. And Liv will sit there and she’ll be talking to me, and she’ll be like, I’ll wait till you put your phone down.
JOSH: [42:42]
She knows you’re in your process, right?
BEC: [42:44]
She’ll just make me do it. Or Isabella will be like, I’ll be like, where are you going? She’ll be like, downstairs. You’re on your phone. And I’m like, okay, noted. So we’re that open with each other that it doesn’t have to be perfect. We’re really open and honest and the communication is encouraged. And that’s the same even with Jack. He’s off doing his thing and he’s probably the one where I have to pay a bit more attention. When he’s really at me or something, I’m like, oh, you want attention. So I don’t have any rule for it. I don’t have any, I’ve got to be present all the time.
BEC: [43:24]
I’m not even gonna lie. They know that I can’t be. I feel like these unrealistic expectations are impossible. When I was growing up, I don’t know how present the parents were then. Drinking and smoking, dancing on the dining room table. They weren’t present. But I didn’t know any different, you know what I mean? So I just think that everything coexists and I lead and manage in all aspects of it. That’s just how it is. And I get it wrong, I make mistakes. But I also don’t have expectations on my older kids that I don’t sort of have on myself. So I’m not like, oh, you need to be showing up for the family and doing all these things as a young person, if we’re not doing that for you.
JOSH: [44:12]
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
BEC: [44:16]
Yeah. There’s no special formula. I just exist.
JOSH: [44:18]
Yeah.
BEC: [44:19]
And I just love them. My kids are my.
JOSH: [44:22]
Yeah. I think I just wanted you to share that because I know there are going to be people listening that are in these really high pressure roles where they have to give a lot of themselves. But that doesn’t mean you need to separate yourself completely. You know what I mean? You can navigate the difference between you.
BEC: [44:38]
And your family. And you have to, because I don’t actually think you can fully separate it. It does take a lot of you to do those great things, right. To do great things for work, it takes a lot of you. And it’s not even about balance. Sometimes there’ll be times where work gets it all. Like this past weekend, I can give an example. Someone in our transition I was supporting, I thought they might need to be transported late at night. But I was also communicating with them because I wanted them to stay safe. So that’s where my focus was. In that moment, that’s what was required and that was fine. We just existed in that moment.
BEC: [45:25]
And then come Sunday, it was a completely different vibe. We were doing grocery shopping and doing things with my eight-year-old. Do you know what I mean? So they’re not mutually exclusive. It just works out. You’ve just got to allow it to. And probably the hardest part of all this is probably on my husband. It’s the hardest on him because he competes with the children, the job, the study. And that does sound terrible, but he does. But he also gets it too. He gets that that’s part of who I am.
JOSH: [46:06]
Yeah.
BEC: [46:06]
That’s how I work. And the job involves people. And people don’t shut at five o’clock.
JOSH: [46:13]
No, that’s so true. What a good point. People don’t shut at five o’clock.
BEC: [46:19]
No.
JOSH: [46:19]
I love that. Yeah, yeah. It’s so true. And yeah, Jimmy’s a saint.
BEC: [46:25]
He is a good man. Think about it, you put up with me more hours a day than he does. So imagine what a saint he is.
JOSH: [46:33]
Yeah, yeah. We love you, Jimmy. All right, so just wanted to, before we wrap up. Is there any advice that you have for anyone coming into the industry, maybe from the nursing sector, coming into the AOD space? What would your advice be for them?
BEC: [46:56]
My first bit of advice would be to have your own stuff under control. Have your recovery in control, have your mental health pretty stabilised, and know yourself. Because you can come into this industry and somehow end up using work as your therapy. And work is not your therapy. You have to be able to maintain yourself no matter what the day brings. Some days it brings trauma and sadness and some days it brings laughter. But no matter what, you’ve got to maintain. And if you are not in control of yourself and you aren’t maintaining that control, you won’t make it. That’s where burnout comes from. And it’s not even just burnout.
BEC: [48:02]
It’s also behaving inappropriately, crossing professional boundaries, doing all those things because you don’t know how to be. And that’s okay not to know. And if you’ve found yourself in the industry and you don’t know and you’re out of your depth, and if you’ve got a good manager or a good colleague to get support from, it’s really important that you do. Because it’s tough, it’s really draining. It’s a really draining industry. Everyone needs to have control over themselves and be aware of themselves. You know how when you’re drowning in the ocean and you put your hand up? It’s the same thing. If you have self-awareness and control over yourself, you can raise your hand and go, I’m not coping. And that’s okay.
BEC: [48:50]
But if you don’t, you’ll make a mistake. And that could result in someone losing their life. You lose your job, you lose your registration if you’re registered. And obviously the main one, you just do not do this if you are judgmental in the slightest. Don’t think you’re going to go save the world and be judgmental, because I think it’s the most beautiful industry. I’ve had the best laughs at myself and at others because everyone is raw and real and we’re all broken. But if you’re judgmental, absolutely not the industry.
JOSH: [49:36]
At all. Yeah.
BEC: [49:37]
At all.
JOSH: [49:38]
Yeah. Personal insight, what keeps you motivated to keep doing this?
BEC: [49:47]
Hard one. I would say every time I think I’m done, I sit there and I think about all the people that still haven’t been helped yet. And what if that one thing I did got it?
JOSH: [50:13]
Yeah.
BEC: [50:14]
It’s almost like you lay down and you go, I’m giving up. And then you’re like, there’s a whole bunch of people that need help. I don’t think I can help them all. But why would I give up now? I can still do it.
JOSH: [50:31]
Well, I’m glad you’re not giving up because we’re so blessed to have you. Easily the best manager we could ever ask for. Me personally, like I said before, you’ve been a mentor and a role model to me, even with parenting and all that sort of stuff. I seek your counsel, I seek your advice. And I know you’re always going to be raw and honest with me, which I prefer because I’m not the type of person that wants to overthink what someone said to me. I just know it’s direct and it’s honest. So I really appreciate you. We’re extremely blessed to have you. So keep that motivation, keep that passion going because it’s infectious for us. And yeah, thank you for coming on and allowing me to interview you.
BEC: [51:16]
Thank you for interviewing me.
JOSH: [51:18]
Cheers. Thank you.
TOBY VO: [51:21]
You’ve been listening to Beyond the Noise from Arrow Health. For help or more stories, visit arrowhealth.com.au.

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